Naked Peanut

Tonight seems to be 

a night of prospect.

open minds and fluid fingers.

There's so much you can say

When you lose a possibility. 

She was there

and then she wasn't.

What seemed like months and

months of agonizing pain and

indecision was only

nine weeks

and a fraction of an inch.

But it was still enough

to turn my world

to shambles.

There were things I knew:

I didn't love him

and He was lying when he said 

He loved me

It was a recital

From moments we'd read

About situations like this

Only he was reading

From a different script

Than I was.

I knew what I was feeling:

something alive and totally

dependent on no one else but 

me.

and I knew

That there was no way 

I could be what that

fraction of an inch 

needed me to be.

That the world was not

What I wanted it to be

that nothing was where

I needed it to be

Yet.

So I bought us some time.

There were things that I could have never known:

How terrifying and

Alone that day was going to be

even though 

I was with 

three other people.

How it was possible 

to feel so 

incredibly numb

and so 

incredibly alert to every

touch and sound and smell.

I never could have known

That that feeling

That feeling of utter loss

would turn into anger and

resentment until it turned into

nothing at all.

I couldn't have know that

It was okay to start to heal

That there are some things that

Aren't meant to be until

They are meant to be.

There are no 

easy decisions 

in life.

There are no set paths of 

right or wrong

that can be applied to 

all of humanity.

There are things that

Will live with you forever

In ways that are good and bad.

There are choices you 

Have to make 

To ensure that

What you have decided

What you have done

Will be justified

Will be right

In your own heart

And in your own time.

Open minds and fluid fingers.

Tonight seems to be

A night of prospect.