Naked Peanut

Tonight seems to be 

a night of prospect.

open minds and fluid fingers.

There's so much you can say

When you lose a possibility. 

She was there

and then she wasn't.

What seemed like months and

months of agonizing pain and

indecision was only

nine weeks

and a fraction of an inch.

But it was still enough

to turn my world

to shambles.

There were things I knew:

I didn't love him

and He was lying when he said 

He loved me

It was a recital

From moments we'd read

About situations like this

Only he was reading

From a different script

Than I was.

I knew what I was feeling:

something alive and totally

dependent on no one else but 

me.

and I knew

That there was no way 

I could be what that

fraction of an inch 

needed me to be.

That the world was not

What I wanted it to be

that nothing was where

I needed it to be

Yet.

So I bought us some time.

There were things that I could have never known:

How terrifying and

Alone that day was going to be

even though 

I was with 

three other people.

How it was possible 

to feel so 

incredibly numb

and so 

incredibly alert to every

touch and sound and smell.

I never could have known

That that feeling

That feeling of utter loss

would turn into anger and

resentment until it turned into

nothing at all.

I couldn't have know that

It was okay to start to heal

That there are some things that

Aren't meant to be until

They are meant to be.

There are no 

easy decisions 

in life.

There are no set paths of 

right or wrong

that can be applied to 

all of humanity.

There are things that

Will live with you forever

In ways that are good and bad.

There are choices you 

Have to make 

To ensure that

What you have decided

What you have done

Will be justified

Will be right

In your own heart

And in your own time.

Open minds and fluid fingers.

Tonight seems to be

A night of prospect.

Social Deconstruction

De
Con
Struct
Me

I don't even fit
Within my own little world
Anymore

Personal
Rejection

Personal
Ignorance

Keep going and going same broken record
Some day I'll get better results

That's my
Personal
Insanity

Even I can see
How fucked up that is
It must be
Plastered
Across my face to the rest of
Society

I'm not me anymore
Branded
Stigma
Slave to
My own organic compulsions
Get me out of here

De
Con
Struct
Me

Chunk O' Meat

everyone's always telling me

drilling it into my head

sending it on little post cards of 

cheerful doom and an

incredibly failing attempt to be helpful

Don't dwell on the past,

Live in the here and now

seize the day

be all that you can be

i cliche my way through life

most days i just want to tell them to

suck a big one

but then i realize that

it's not so much the

past that freaks me out

gets under my skin

gets my goat

it's more of what's going on 

right now

right before my eyes

their eyes

that we choose to 

look past

or that

seems impossible to 

overcome

all these possibilities at my fingertips

and its getting fucked up because

i have no 

finesse

socially verbally visually

like a big chunk of meat

bumbling around trying not to

go bad

working hard

in the here and now

but still not getting it

just the way 

it needs to be.

 

At the Beginning

oh it's the second day of the time to be better time to be better time to be better time to be
year and we're already asking for  cake we want more cake we want more cake we want
thirds and eighths and   freedoms and freedoms freedoms and freedoms freedoms freedoms and free
fifty-two's   that's too old its too old we're too old she's too old he's too old i'm too old it's too old death's too old life's too old this music is too old the blanket is too old her friend's are too old that pen is too old peter pan is too old

clariclariclariclariclarclariclariclariclariclariclariclariclariclawhere is my little love bug when i
 colorado takes time colorado takes time colorado takes time colorado takes time colorado takes time col need her?
and where is her momma love bug when she needs to
see her?

heaven takes time heaven takes time heaven takes time heaven takes time heaven takes time heaven takes time. heaven takes.

zoe keating is playing over and   over&over&over&over&over&over&over&
over she's over only to start again with  the bow touches the strings the bow touch
cellos and conspicuous breathing that i can ......the earth has music for those who
hear in my chest tap your sternum and you're into the snow tap your sternum and you're into the snow taptap

the grass gives her hives the grass makes her itch while the only green grass i can get
close to is making my eyes water and my poetic justice go the way
of ol'yeller while it stays far away from my new year and its
thou shalt not be an ungrateful twat.. thou shalt not be an ungrateful twat.. thou shalt not see me  resolutions.
we the people in order to form a more perfect person establish plastic surgery, insure domestic instablity. provide for the top

So where does this leave me and where i have i left myself to think to think to think to think to think to think to thinksitto grow to grow to grow to grow to grow to grow to grow to

it's a crowded space to sleep in when we all want warmth and

 the unborn babies start to cry.they push at their fathers who

have yet to leave them in search of a better life that they

 may never see. i see right through you i see right through you seeing through me seeing through me seeing

he didn't knowshe made you promises that he knew he wouldshe didn't know

never keep.  i made me these promises that we believed in with

every closing day. so if you'll be so kind as to avert from   can you see can you see the eyes. to see will be for another time where is it where
where the butterfliesin another place. but really, it's okay.can fly can fly can fly
always liked you purple i just want to be a friend again.converse always always liked
 but the park is tainted and there's no walking on the grass. thus the plastic solar powered daisy with the artificial solar white white skin whitethat makes it dance to the beat of white white skin white

separating skittles and organizing by colorsserial killers do that to cereal kills 
this color was too bold and noticeable for that one, so i'll swallow it down and hide it. out of site and into mind.migranes hit  diabetes runs in my family overly exhuberant mint consumption overly over to ensure the best
but all we wanted was to write.to carve the colors of her mind onto grandmother willow

it has been said that weall we wanted was to be immortal.shall pass from this ephemeralality

yet we end up immoral and innexcusable.but that love makes us better we can be better

we loveAnd she procreated into this.  adult children are so fun to to be wrongwatch, until they spill the water colors all over your listen to thethesis your thoughts onlaughter it makes sightlife and your carefullycolorful he makescrafted popsicle mansiondreams
stand on your head and cry for the childrenthere went my childhood who are forced to stand forced to

*****pray for falling earth because we dream beating madman.could not sit & face the consequence******

because we could not look our children in the eye they are forced to whisper the truths they don't even know exist. if we have forced our children to stand in rags they will teach how to stand with dignity and respect. they will show us unity and they will teach us to love. in a popsicle mansion they will teach us to love. in a watercolored sunset they will show us the hope of a new day.  the bold colors streak through in passions and into minds in ways we never imagined. because we never imagined.